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Babies, Blog, Mum Life

Dear new mama friend

Hi mama friend. I see you over there with your new baby, filling my Facebook feed with adorable baby photos. I know you probably worry that you are spamming everyone with your new bundle but keep it coming. I love seeing your beautiful baby and seeing you handling motherhood with such grace and fun.

We’re at the same baby stage, our little ones just months apart, and I can see them hitting the same milestones together. Hopefully they will grow and enjoy that same friendship together that we have over the years.

But the difference for me is that this is my second baby. I could never have expected how different the experience would be and how much I had taken for granted the first time around. I want to share a few things with you about this season of life you have just entered. There are so many little things that I miss and so many things I worried about that I needn’t have.

Everything changes

The first thing I want to tell you is that it’s ok to not be ok. Everything changes when you have a baby. Your relationships, your lifestyle, you. And boy can it be hard to adjust to that. The change is sudden and abrupt and as much as you develop a new normal, the adjustment is one of the biggest changes I have ever experienced.

Remember that it is ok to have bad days. To have more bad days in a week than good ones. The bad days don’t define you as a whole. But if you are not ok, if you are struggling with anything, reach out and ask for help. Anytime I have shared a struggle I am facing with my mama friends they have all nodded along, sharing how they have been in exactly the same position. Whether it is toddler behaviour or a fight I have had with my husband. While our journeys may all look so different, we are all riding the wave of motherhood together. Lean on your mama friends.

Just as quickly as your life changes when baby arrives, it changes again. And again and again and again. As baby reaches each milestone you face new challenges and you will look back on the stages before and wonder why you found them so difficult. Life with kids is an ever changing, constantly moving journey.

Be present

As difficult as it can be I hope that you enjoy every moment. I know you wish that you could get baby to sleep in the cot rather than on top of you all day. And I know that it can feel like you are breastfeeding all day long. I know that you can’t wait for your baby to crawl and walk and talk. But it really does go by in the blink of an eye so in amongst all of the wishing and waiting, enjoy it. Be present. As you lie on the couch under the weight of your baby, watching their chest rise and fall as they sleep peacefully in your arms, commit their smell and the feel of their skin to memory. Treasure their milk drunk state, dozing off during each feed. Lie with them as they practice tummy time and enjoy knowing that they will stay where you put them, for now.

You will never have this time again

I suppose most of all, I am envious of you. Envious that you are able to enjoy these moments with your new baby minus the interruptions of a toddler. Having two kids is amazing and seeing their sibling relationship blossom is one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced. But it is just. so. hard. I wish there was more time, just my baby and I. I wish I could pause time so I am not constantly feeling the rush of life, pulling me every which way. I wish I could give my second baby all of me in the way that I gave my first, but it just isn’t possible.

Enjoy the time you have now because you will never have it again. The baby period is so short and soon enough they are off and running, growing fiercer and smarter every day. If you do decide to go for baby number two, it will never be the same as this time you have now. Two kids doesn’t double the workload. It multiplies it exponentially. Having baby sleeping on your chest every day just isn’t an option or you will have chaos on your hands. And while baby may stay where you put them, for now, you will always be watching for their older sibling who likes to stick fingers in the baby’s mouth or flip them over so they can reach their toys. It is beyond exhausting.

Motherhood really is the best thing that I have ever done, and I hope that you are enjoying it as much as I have. As your baby gets older those rewarding moments will only increase as you burst with pride at all of the wonderful things they are doing. And the moments of joy are more frequent, as you all start sleeping more and building your rhythm as a family. If you ever doubt yourself, know that you are doing an amazing job. We all follow a different path so don’t compare yourself to anyone else. And most of all, know that I am always here for you. An open ear ready to listen to your troubles. Or a sounding board for concerns. An open door for dropping in or to help stock your freezer in those times of need.

Welcome to the best club there is. x

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