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Blog, Mum Life

The laws of motherhood

Motherhood is one of those things that you truly can’t appreciate or understand until you have done it. The highs and lows, laughter and tears. All children and different but there are some universal truths of motherhood. Unwritten laws that apply across all mothers.

  1. In mum land the hours between 4-7pm are each equal to approximately three regular hours.
  2. Baby nappy explosions will occur just as you pick up your bag to walk out the front door. The same applies to urgent requirements to visit the toilet. You can forget leaving the house while toilet training.
  3. You can never have nice things. Unless you are prepared for them to be broken/drawn on/dropped/covered with dirty fingers.
  4. If you have more than one child, the probability of getting them all to sleep at the same time during the day is approximately 1 in 9 million.
  5. At night when the kids have gone to bed you will be perpetually torn between sitting on the couch to enjoy some “me time” and going to bed to actually get some sleep.
  6. What goes up must come down. Usually by a visit to the doctor to remove the foreign object placed up the nostril.
  7. Every misdeed of the day can be undone by a smile, tiny caress or with the arrival of sleep.
  8. Just when you thought you had cleaned up all the Lego/Shopkins/Barbie shoes, the bottom of your foot will find another one.
  9. Everything you say, can and will be repeated by your child. Usually in front of grandma who is far more forgiving of her grandchildren than she is of her own children.
  10. When you jump on a trampoline/cough/burst into uncontrollable laughter you will understand why everyone kept banging on about doing your pelvic floor exercises.
  11. You will do everything you always said you would never do as a parent.
  12. Regardless of the age of your children, you will start swaying whenever you see someone holding a baby. You will also rock the trolley while waiting at the checkout.
  13. Whinging is your kryptonite. It is unavoidable, inevitable and will bring you to your knees.
  14. You are not alone. Whether you feel like you are nailing it or failing at it, in any moment there are thousands of other mothers who feel exactly the same way.
  15. Showering and putting on clean clothes is an invitation for your baby to vomit on you. Every, Single. Time.
  16. Making a phone call or sitting on the toilet are both universal signs that children understand as “please interrupt me”.
  17. Never, ever make eye contact with a child who is happily playing by themselves or risk ending the relative peace and quiet you are enjoying.
  18. You will question yourself and your decisions every day but you are enough. You are more than enough.
  19. You must repeat every instruction and question a minimum of five times (often more) before your children take any action. This process will be repeated on a daily basis.
  20. Once you hold your baby in your arms you are changed forever, no matter the struggles you faced to get to that point, or the way they made their entrance into the world.

Are there any laws of motherhood that I’ve missed?

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